I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
no you cant smoke seaweed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
