I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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