So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this will be a night to untag.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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