Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is my gift to your gina
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
