you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
