i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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