Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
