As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
