Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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