We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
