All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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