I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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