TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
