i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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