Moan for me like Helen Keller
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
