there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
