So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
