it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
