I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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