we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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