I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
