dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
