If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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