Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
