woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
