I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
