Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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