her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
