I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
