Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
