sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
