Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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