He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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