mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
