That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
