This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
