I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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