i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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