what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
