I want to have your abortion
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize