Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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