my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
