This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
