He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
