Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
