who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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