i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
