We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
