Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
