yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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