can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
