Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was confusing and full of hummus
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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