1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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