Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
