New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize