He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
