I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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