It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
