Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
