can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
