soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize