I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
