When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
