I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
