My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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