Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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