I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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