Your face is a jimmy john
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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